Transparent Soul

I like to think of myself as a pretty guarded person. While I have a tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve, I don't open up to many people about why I am feeling the way that I am. If I do decide to open up, I will tell someone I am close with. Recently, it's been through my blog as well. If you read my blog posts you will have heard, at least once, about my struggles with feeling loved and finding peace in the midst of my anxiety. What you probably haven't heard is that I've been struggling with my self-confidence a lot within this past month. I have been struggling to feel beautiful. This goes along with my struggles with feeling worthy as well. I've been vocal about it with only my mom. Sure, I prayed about it once or twice, but not as much as I should have been.

But God knew.

God knew how I was feeling when he sent a woman to pray for me. What started out as friendly conversation turned into a ministry. When she asked to pray for me, I said sure. Growing up in church and being a believer, I am not scared of prayer and I actually welcome it. I figured she'd pray a generic prayer and would leave, but she as she reached out and touched my shoulder, I realized this wasn't her plan.

"You have an Esther spirit."

An Esther spirit. This spoke of the courage that I'd need to stand in the face of trial. The courage Esther had. She told me my time would come when I'd need to stand up for what I believe in. That scares me, I won't lie. However, what I really focused on was how I viewed Esther. She is a strong, beautiful female in the Bible. she speaks truth and grace, but she commands the room. Her presence resides in God and therefore, she can draw from His power to do His work. In addition to all of this, she is known for her beauty. As someone who struggles with their body image and how they look, being compared to a woman known for her beauty is very uplifting. Yet this woman didn't stop there. She continued to pray that I would feel loved and that'd I'd find peace.

Please keep in mind, this woman did not know me from Adam. She did not know my heart, my story, or even my name. She did not know my name. However, in one second it seemed like my soul became transparent. God opened the doors and broke down the walls that I had put up in order that this woman could speak to my needs, so she could pray for my needs. I got the chance to experience the unseen realm of spirituality. I've been told my entire life that God speaks to our needs, but I actually got to hear from Him as He called me His princess and as He called me loved.

Random side note:

I have a bit of feminism in me, I will not lie. I do not believe I need to be saved by a man or that I am princess material. But here's the thing. I am not a princess who's locked in a tower waiting for God to rescue her. I am embraced in the reckless love of God as I run through fields of daisies and into the arms of God. As a princess, I do not require God to save me. He has already saved me once through the sacrifice of His son. Now, as His daughter, I require His strength in order that I can save others. I am a warrior princess and not a Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty. Side note over.

With all that being said, I pray that you reach out to God with an open mind. He wants you to hear His words and He wants to show you His love. The feeling you will get once you hear Him will be overwhelming, all-consuming, but listen and keep listening. He has the power to move mountains, calm storms, raise the dead to life, and transform lives. Listen. With God, your walls are broken down and He comfort your transparent soul.