Loved.

I'm scared I'll be alone forever.

There, I said it.

I am scared that, as I lay on my deathbed, in my final hours, I will look back at my life only to realize I have never been in love, nor have I ever been the person someone fell in love with. It's my biggest fear. In the movies, I see that the girl gets the right guy and they ride off into the sunset. In real life, I've only ever experienced the girl getting the wrong guy and laying on her bed alone at night, wondering what she did wrong. She didn't realize it just wasn't the right guy. She actually never realizes that he isn't the right guy until it's far too late. And, as she looks back, she still asks herself what she did wrong and why she wasn't worthy of his time. In actuality, he wasn't worthy of her time. If you haven't guessed it yet, I am that girl and I have been that girl for most of my life. I'm honestly at a place where I'm not sure if I am meant to be in love and to be loved in the same way. It feels like I'm constantly giving my heart away to people who toss it aside like it's trash, not realizing I've just given them something I deem as worth more than gold. Not only does this make me doubt the worth of myself and what I have to offer, but it's also made me jaded to the idea of finding true love. It's actually kind of ironic in a sort of melancholic way; a hopeless romantic that doesn't believe love is meant for her.

Maybe I'm being dramatic. Maybe this is the poet in me that is screaming to find a muse with which to reside in sadness, in loneliness. Regardless of where I came from and where I am now, I need to remember where I'm going because of who I am, because of who's I am.

I am chosen.

I am worthy.

I am beautiful.

I am magnificently created.

I am the daughter of the King.

I am loved.

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 8:38-39