Part One

I am back from Christmas break! This past month has provided much needed rest and relaxation. With my break from school, I took a little hiatus from writing these blog posts. With that being sad, I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and an amazing New Year! Now onto the post...

You may be wondering why I have this post titled as, "Part One".

Part One of what?

This post is part one of letting go and living well. I've noticed that in order to live well, I need to let go. A major step in letting go, is forgiveness. Now, I could sit on my high horse right now and preach to you. I could spit scripture after scripture at you as to why forgiveness is necessary in living a fulfilling Christian life. But, I don't want to do that. Forgiveness isn't just for Christians, it's for everyone. I want to approach this from a different angle. Recently, I heard that holding onto grudges actually has negative effects on your physical health and by forgiving, you can increase your live expectancy. Pretty crazy right? Suddenly, forgiveness is less about what that person deserves and more about loving yourself. In the moment of anger and hurt, the person who did you wrong deserves nothing from you. However, when you avoid forgiving them, you are staying connected to them in a way. You deserve to let go of the hurt keeping you from thriving.

For me, the grudge I am holding is keeping me tied to this couple who I opened up to and whom I trusted. When they hurt me deeply, I kept the ties we had formed, but they became toxic. While on the other end of the hurt, that couple is living and thriving without even thinking of me, I am over here wallowing in my hurt and my hatred for them. The only person suffering is me. Not only has this taken a toll on me spiritually, it was affected my mental health. My anxiety has been increasing and getting worse. I want that pain and sickness to go away, but I am having a hard time letting go of the pain they caused me. I want them to suffer how I suffered. I know that this pain is far too familiar to many people. To those people, this is what I have to say to you...

I'm sorry that you've been hurt but you deserve forgiveness. You deserve freedom from that pain. You deserve to cut all those toxic ties that they have keeping you to them. You deserve peace. If you cannot forgive your offender for them, please do it for yourself.

Recently on my path to healing, I met with my music pastor's wife. She reached out to me and I was shocked. While hesitant, I took it as a sign to make amends. I couldn't bring myself to meet for her sanity, so I met her for mine. After the meeting, I felt such a huge weight lifted off of me. Not only did I fill a hole that was left gaping in my heart, I helped mend a bridge between me and a person that I once felt very close to. I still have so far to go until I feel that I am ready to forgive her husband, but this is progress. This is part one of healing. This is part one of self-care. This is part one of me living my best life.

I hope that you begin part one and that you are willing to take that first step. If you feel you can't do that for yourself or the person who hurt you, please do it for me.